Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What have you been up to?

What have I been up to? Well thanks for asking! I'll tell you what I've been up to.

I've been researching mental institutions, because that's where I should be.











Those are head lice.

O. M. freaking G.

I have never considered myself to be a germophobe. I mean, I wash my hands and try to make sure the kids aren't licking the glass (emphasis on "try") but for the most part germs don't bother me. But apparently uninvited bugs that feed on our scalps and lay eggs in our hair leaving us with fresh new itchy friends is a completely different story. Completely. Different. Story.  For the past 3 weeks I have been consumed in a world of lice, both real and imaginary.

**I should preface this next part by saying that it's not so much about the workload that these bugs caused me, but more about the insanity that took over my brain.**

We took some guests home with us one day a few weeks ago and I became a neurotic mess. A total basket case. Washing every article of clothing that was touched, including the clothes that I wore when I put a load of laundry in the washing machine. I must have changed clothes 5 times each day. I washed each towel that was touched, I washed the bedding daily and we only slept with one blanket to keep the laundry down to a "bare"minimum. HA!

I combed through and inspected each individual strand of Elisabeth's hair nightly. We all washed our hair with Rid and combed with fancy metal combs. (By the way, if you're looking for the next up and coming stock to purchase, might I recommend Rid.  We dumped enough money into that stinky brand that their stock probably skyrocketed!) Along with that, poor Elisabeth had to endure crazy hair treatments like Listerine and Vinegar. We all washed our hair with tea tree oil shampoo and coconut conditioner, neither of which I can stand the smell of anymore. Sydney had mysterious jumping dandruff that made me inspect her like she was my monkey baby. Only difference is I didn't eat the bugs. :)

All stuffed animals and dollies went into garbage bags and froze outside in the sub-zero temps on our porch for two weeks. (I still feel guilty about freezing them to stuffed animal/dolly death!)  Hats, coats and mittens went straight into the dryer for an hour every time we came home.

We didn't hug each other or snuggle for weeks. I wouldn't let my kids lay down on anything but their own beds for fear of transferring unknown new intruders. They weren't allowed to do summersaults on the carpeting until a random date that I set. And when that date came I pushed it back because I wasn't mentally ready to let go of my fear. 

When one of us scratches our scalps I immediately assume that it's the Invasion of the Lice Part II.  I inspect everything. Every speck of dirt that I see, I assume it's a louse.  Every person who scratches their head has an "obvious" case of head lice in my mind.  Last week while travelling for work (which is going fabulously, thankyouverymuch) a very nice and good looking man offered me his coat while we waited in the cold for our luggage, and while I thought that was amazingly and shockingly chivalrous, I declined for fear that I would catch lice from him.

I have never been this way about anything! When we lived in NJ our bedrooms were in the basement and we had a lot of centipedes living with us. It was quite disgusting, but somehow even that didn't bother me as much as this did.  This has completely consumed me. Some kids see dead people, I see bugs. I haven't been doing much else besides working and thinking about lice for the past 3 weeks.

Oddly enough being away from home for a couple of days last week was enough to calm me down and now that the laundry is caught up and I'm feeling slightly less looney, I'm even hugging my children, which feels so so so nice. The verdict of course, is out on when I will allow summersaulting on the carpet again. Maybe next week. Or the week after that.

So, Hi My Name Is Erin and I'm officially a recovering louse-o-phobic crazy lady.

What have you been up to?