Stress sucks.

Our calendar is a sea of black ink this month. I know that this is the start of many years of black ink, but WOW am I stressed out! I try to be positive when I post things on our blog, but for the moment I'm going to take the mask off. Bear with me.

We have been going non-stop since August 1st. I feel like I can't catch my breath. And we're only halfway through the month! At first I liked the idea of being busy, because I thought I could be superwoman and handle it all. Well, the cape has lost its glimmer. I just want to take 5 minutes and come up for air. Is that possible? When can I breathe again?

It doesn't help that we're all working overtime at work, and that I sit back down at the computer after we put the kids to bed. And that I'm burned out and don't care for my career choice at the moment. Or that my salary is paying 75% of what it used to before the economy took a nosedive.

Elisabeth has been very busy this month too. Swimming lessons just ended. She had VBS (which we LOVE!) at our church every evening for a week, which meant late bedtimes but the same 6:30 am morning routine. Each bedtime that week was progressively more awful than the last. By Thursday she was so unruly that I put her to bed and laid on the couch and just cried. She is a flower girl in our niece's wedding at the end of the month (which we are so excited about!). We've had birthday parties to go to. We have a family reunion to go to soon (which includes an 8 hour drive, of which I am NOT excited.) Kindergarten starts at the end of the month, so we've been busy preparing for that as well.

Elisabeth has been enthusiastic about all of these activities. But she has started misbehaving quite a bit. She won't listen to us. She acts out in public. She wants to be carried like her little sister. It all adds up and upsets us and puts us in foul moods, which does nothing but put Elisabeth in a foul mood as well. It's an awful cycle we're stuck in, and I just don't know how to get out of it.

I am wondering if deep down she is nervous about school or something? She has developed this nervous giggle. When we scold her she giggles. When she knows she is doing something wrong, she giggles. Where are the psychologists when we need them? Or Supernanny? Where is she? I could read discipline books until I'm blue in the face, but really, I just want someone to smack me in the face and tell me what's missing from the equation here. What am I missing? Is my own stress just shining through and causing Elisabeth to lash out as well? Are we not giving enough positive reinforcement? I have no idea what we're doing wrong, but it's not helping my stress level at all. Maybe this is just the ebb and flow of parenting?

I did have a conversation the other day with another mom who appears to have many of the same feelings I do. She said she often asks herself in the heat of a situation "What am I doing wrong?" and I was so thankful to hear that I am not the only mom that asks this question. I am guessing that most of us have these feelings, and we're all just really good at hiding them?

It gets better, right? Actually, I don't need to ask that question because I know it will. We can't survive without breathing. I'm trying to breathe when I can. I just wanted to take the mask off for a brief moment and let it all out for once. There, I feel better already. (Okay, not really, but we will pretend.) Where is that Calgon lady? She always knew how to get rid of her stress. Maybe I should talk to her!? Or did she just wear a mask, too?